Well this is about to get personal....
So I've written a couple of posts and the majority have been about my life, therefore classifying them as personal. But I find writing helps me a lot, it helps me put my thoughts somewhere, it helps me realize things and it helps me let go of things. I have always resorted to writing as therapy, and hey, sometimes I even write pretty awesome stuff. I once started writing a book, well a couple but as an Aries, I'm great at starting things and never seeing them through. (Great quality there)
Anyway, it's been almost a month since I wrote anything and every time I write here, I do it with the intention to reflect. A couple of weeks ago, something significant happened, and it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me this year.
I went through a break up.
Now the most common thing people have felt after telling them that I had good news and then saying that, has been a very odd "congratulations?"
And though they've questioned my excitement as I utter the words "break up", the congratulations is exactly what I should be getting.
Now I am not going to bad mouth the person who I was in a relationship with for 8 months, instead I am going to reflect on the things I have learned.
I was in a very wrong relationship for me and maybe even for the other party but I didn't realize that I was making a mistake by staying in a relationship with someone who didn't respect me and love me the way I deserved. A lot of my friends saw this and made sure I knew how they felt, but as the stubborn Aries I am, I didn't listen. I wanted to learn on my own, and learn I did.
Now, as great as it is to be with someone, there are boundaries that need to be set and a lot of trust that needs to be built, and unfortunately, we didn't have that.
I was constantly questioned about my whereabouts, who I was with, and why.
Three lovely questions that I do not like being asked, specially not with an authoritative tone.
I am very free spirited, open minded, adventure loving person and I love spontaneity, however, these great qualities about me, were the things that were getting me in trouble with my former partner.
The basic problem was that this person wanted to be with me, just not with me. He did everything he could to change me simply because he could not handle who I am. And this is something that I feel happens often in relationships. Men are intimidated by women who are strong, independent, self sufficient and confident.
It took me about 2 months to lose all the very special things about me and to turn into someone I even hated, and then it took me 6 months to realize that I had the power to change, I had the power to be who I was before, maybe even better than before and to take charge of my life and be HAPPY.
At first I was very angry at him and then I was angry at myself.
And then one day, not too long after we broke up, I woke up and I felt happy.
I felt so happy. I felt this rush of adrenaline from knowing I was free, I felt relief, I felt at peace, I finally felt like myself.
So these past few weeks have been really great, though nothing life changing has happened, and even with all the stress that life brings us, it's really amazing to just wake up in the morning, have health and have the will to fight. Have the will to live and have the desire to do great things.
All that time I thought I was the one bringing myself down and though I was, I didn't realize that I had a huge anchor that was also pulling me down.
Sometimes it's extremely hard to let go of things that feel right to us, it's really hard to stop caring about the people who are important to us, it's hard to do the right thing. It's not easy moving on and accepting change but when we finally do, it can be the best thing for us.
It's a terrible thing to convince yourself to wait for someone who is never going to come around and the best way to assure happiness to yourself is by going out there, living life and being happy!
Stop holding your breath, breathe everything in and live.
So that's my post for today.
I'll leave you with this wonderful quotes :)
Thank you for reading as always.
Andrea
